Tainted
by FitForRivals89
Summary: Im a tainted person. No one would've known the truth until it was too late. This is my first story. Please read. This is just the first chapter. If people like it i will continue it!
1. Buried Alive

Please Read! This is my first fan fiction. I first tried Fiction Press but i didn't feel as if people are rarely on it to read stories. Most are on Fan Fiction so here i am. Yes, i know boo hoo its twilight, I originally didn't intend for this story to end up being twilight based as my original copy had my OWN different character list and this is MY plot. I felt as if ALOT more people would take the time to read my story if it had the twilight characters ( which AREN'T mine, i repeat TWILIGHT IS NOT MINE NOR ARE THE CHARACTERS. Stephanie Meyer owns twilight) since everyone is into it nowadays, My passion is writing and i will do anything to have my voice heard, so please read! Thank you.

Some of the characters will be mine, Gloria is my character. I will post if you introduced to a character i created.

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"_The only antidote to mental suffering is physical pain."-Karl Marx_

Life is never easy. No one really knew who or what made me the way i am. In the end all secrets are revealed on the wrong side of life.

"Bella? Are you ready?" a familiar voice said

I nodded.

He waited for me to stand. I couldn't, I wouldn't but I had to. With every muscle in my body I stood. I looked down at my feet. I walked past the man and walked down the corridors. I looked at the closest door and read the metallic number drilled into the wall above the entrance, I saw that I was in the fifties. I was close. I just looked down. I didn't need to look at where I was going, I knew.

"_Fifty-one, fifty-two, fifty-three, fifty-four, fifty-five, fifty-six and "… _I thought to myself

"Fifty fucking seven" I whispered as I looked up.

I looked at the door and just rolled my eyes. I knocked on the door

"Come in!" a a kind voice called out

I slowly turned the knob, I walked in. Taking in my surroundings. I sighed. I hated this damn room. It wasn't an ugly room I just hated what it's used for. Every time I'm in this room I feel so distant from the real world.

"Bella? Honey?" a woman asked?

I snapped my head up at the woman.

I looked up and I instantly locked eyes with a pair of beautiful blue eyes. Blue as the sky. I could get lost in them but as I looked deeper in them I saw the truth. The truth how this woman is worn out emotionally. Shes troubled and worried about me. I felt guilty but shes the one that offered to help me out.

" Honey?" she spoke softly

"Yes Gloria?" I said

Gloria was in her late forties. Though the stress shes been put under makes her look like shes in her fifties, She has copper brown hair, of course strands of gray in her hair. Its short, up to her shoulders really. She's 5'7. Shes beautiful to me, but I don't think she feels beautiful. I wish I didn't put this much stress on her.

"How are you?" Gloria spoke

_I feel_ _terrible.._

''I'm fine" I muttered as I looked out the window.

"Bella? Honey, are you listening to me?" Gloria slowly asked.

I nodded, I wasn't listening to her. She knew , but she ignored it. She kept talking.

" How about we talk about finally getting you out of here?" she spoke

I instantly snapped my head up to her. I wanted to get out of this place. I needed to get out of this place. I can't take another day being in here. In this _psychiatric hospital _..

"Bella! Snap out of it!" Gloria snapped

"I'm sorry" I mumbled

We sat in silence for god knows how long..

"its okay honey, everyone is just worried. You've stopped responding to the medication. Your weight is very unstable. Your so distant from reality, You need help, but I cant give it to you unless you want it. You aren't alone. You were never alone" Gloria softly spoke

_Bullshit! _How could she say that! I am alone in this situation. What is she referring to my friends? What fucking friends do I have! My family? HA! My parents haven't visited me once since that big argument. Thinking back to it bothers me..

_They had come to visit me. I was just admitted from my suicide attempt. My father was screaming and yelling at me._

" _How could you?!" my father angrily yelled at me_

_I was used to him screaming. He was a disgusting father who cared squat crap about me and my mother. All he cared about when he was going to get his next hit or when was the next time he was going to "get" me.._

" _I'm so sorry" I whispered_

"_Sorry! Sorry! Ha! You're a dumb ass! How could you embarrass me?! You're a disgusting person! Do you think I want everyone to know how crazy my daughter is! That she was so "miserable" with her life she had to go slit her wrists and take a whole bottle of vicodin! HA! Like anyone would accept the fact that you have "problems"! YOU'RE WEAK! You weren't strong enough to finish the job! You should have! But no, you failed out of escaping your own "misery""My father yelled at me_

_"Charlie" my mother spoke up_

_"NO! Renee! I don't need to walk around and hear everyone talking about my damn business because of HER!"_

" _I wish I could be different" I tearfully yelled_

_My father slapped me across the face. Hard._

_" Your worthless." my father told me as he stomped out of the room_

_By this time I was crying hard. My mom came to sit next to me._

_" Baby, its okay. Hes gone he doesn't know what hes talking about. Maybe next time you will think before you go out and do something stupid" My mom said as she was wiping away my tears._

_" I hate him! He doesn't know anything ma! Why can't he just accept that I'm not right in the mind. I'm not okay! Are you seriously calling my suicide stupid?! Ma I want to die what can't you get!" I yelled_

_"Bella! Don't you dare say that! I know whats happened to you and I am sorry but you have to understand I have been through hell and back with your father but I would NEVER go and try to kill myself!" my mom said as her voice raised_

_" I can't believe you! You know what mom fuck you! GET OUT! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU ALL! " I yelled_

_" Okay be that way. I'll be back when you actually want help and will listen to me" my mom said before she got her things and left me_

_When the door was closed I started to scream and panic. I was left alone. I had never felt so alone before. I started tearing up my stitches that were in my arms and hitting myself in various places. By the time the nurses came in to sedate me. They found me at the foot of my hospital bed dripping in my blood and beaten really bad by own hands. All I remember was screaming no and begging them to let me die, then I went numb. I woke up later that night. My body was sore I tried to move but I couldn't I looked down and I saw brown leather straps pinning me to the bed. The leather was rubbing on my skin which was very irritating when I tried to free myself. By the time I stopped attempting to get out. I had burns on my arms and my wrists. I'm pretty sure my ankles to but I couldn't see._

_I accepted the fact that I'm in here. This is reality and I'm here to stay till god knows when …_

Thinking of that all made me shudder. Gloria didn't notice of course she just kept on talking about my health and my issues.

I looked to my right and looked out the window again. It was a sunny summer day. I saw people walking their dogs and hanging out with the people they loved and I'm in here fighting my "inner battles". I haven't had contact with anyone that wasn't admitted in here. I want to get the hell out of here but they don't believe im ready to admit that I have a problem. I just want to go back home and just ignore the world and be by myself. I just need to lie and get the hell out of here.

"Okay." I suddenly yelled

"What?" Gloria asked

" I admit it. I need help. Please just" I sighed. " Just help me get better Gloria. I'm tired of being here. I'm tired of being like this." I whispered

When I looked up I saw tears threatening to fall from Gloria's eyes

"Bella! I'm so proud of you! Of course I will work with you every day until you are better" Gloria tearfully said

I'm a horrible person. _On the bright side she'll be stress free once she gets rid of me._

_"_Can I go back to my room?" I suddenly asked

"Of course! I'll call you down again when I have everything set for you to get better!" Gloria said

"Thanks" I mumbled

As I was walking down the corridors I looked around and I saw women and men of all ages walking around soul less. They didn't have a clue of what being normal was supposed to feel like. _Fools._

I shook my head.

Who am I to be judging these people. I'm just as soul less and distant from "normal" as they are. I reached my room and I looked around. These four damn white walls.

I turned to the mirror on the wall and I saw myself. I looked like a ghost. My skin was a rosy pale skin color. My brown eyes had dark circles around them. My lips were full but were very damaged because I have the habit of biting on them. The both sides of my nose were still pierced. My hair was almost down to my elbows. It was a dull brown color. I looked like shit

I picked up my hospital gown and I looked at myself. I looked disgusting. I was fat. I didn't know how much I weighed. They wouldn't tell me. I probably weighed 150. I had scars on my stomach, my arms and my legs. I looked and felt disgusting. I started to shed tears. I just wiped them away and went to lie down. I couldn't wait to leave this place and finally get back to my normal self. As I drifted off to sleep all I could have in my mind is whats in store for me in the future.


	2. In the dark

_A couple of months later_

"Bella? Are you ready?" a male orderly hesitantly asked me

I stayed quiet and I just stood up and made my way past him. I made my way down the corridor and to the fifty-seventh room. I didn't knock I just walked in. Gloria was in a meeting with another patient. She said she wouldn't be long so I just sat down in the chair in front of her desk.

Today is the day, The day I get to leave. My bags are packed. I don't really know how im going to get home or if my parents are expecting me. I haven't seen them since January ( when the argument took place) it's now August. Six months. Six months they never came to visit me. I dont care, I dont need them.

I sighed as I looked around the room to keep me distracted. My eyes landed on Gloria's desk. I saw a manila folder. It caught my eye. It was under a stack of papers. I bit my lip and I slowly stoop up and walked to the folder. I picked up and looked at the name _Isabella Swan. _I opened it and I read it

_Isabella Swan_

_Age__: Seventeen_

_Patient ID__ # 721837392130_

_Date of birth__:__ September 13th 1995 _

_Social Security__ # ***-***-****_

_Address__: 167 Whiten Avenue_

_City__: Phoenix_

_State__ : Arizona_

_Isabella was admitted to Richmond Lake Facility on January 20__th__after attempting suicide. She was found in her bedroom in a pool of blood from self-inflicted injuries. She had taken an estimate of 20 tables of Vicodin. When she arrived at the Emergency Room her heart had failed but was soon revived. She put into a coma to let her body heal. As they were checking her they saw that her weight was very low. Her weight was Ninety pounds._

_After a therapist interviewed her we soon found out she is suffering from :_

_-Bulimia Nervosa_

_-Anorexia Nervosa_

I snorted in a very unlady like way as I rolled my eyes!

_Currently Diagnosed:_

_Clinical Depression Disorder_

_Social Anxiety Disorder_

"Seriously?! You have to be kidding" I asked myself

I got tired reading this nonsense so I turned the page

_Doctors Notes_

_I am very surprised this girl has lived so long. Her body is failing on her and she doesn't even notice it. Shes to stuck in her head to know anything_

_She is a very angry person_

_She was sedated on March 17__th__she refused to take her medication and she started to panic and throw a tantrum. When pinned to the ground she bit an orderly in the neck. She was pinned and taken to her room. She spent awhile in her room. Refusing to eat, sleep, or shower._

_Her therapist came an told me she was asking for help. I was surprise at first but I was doubtful towards her decision. I believe she is only trying to get out of here so she can go and continue her self-destruction._

_Isabella has completed her treatment and will be released soon her weight is back to 110 not that good but she is getting there. With her parents help and strict observation she will be at an appropriate weight. She has continued on her medication. Her moods are better. I still have my doubts towards her being released but Dr. Gloria Ramos thinks she is ready_

_-Dr Robert Johns_

I looked at the information and I was in complete shock. I'm a 110 pounds! I'm a pig. I'm so disgusted with myself. I need to hurry up and get out of here so I can lose this all. I looked over all the information and I didn't know what to say. . I felt uncomfortable. I felt small. I felt, I didn't really know how I felt anymore.. I heard footsteps approaching the room. I panicked placed the folder down and ran to my seat. The door opened and Gloria came in.

"Hello Bella, how are you?" Gloria asked

"I'm fine" I smiled

"I'm so proud of you honey! You are at healthy psychically and mentally. I'm happy to tell you that you are allowed to leave here today. Your parents are In the front hall and are ready to take you home. Is there any questions?" Gloria asked

" No I have none. All I have to say is thank you for everything Gloria" I mumbled.

" Oh you're welcome! I'm just happy you are doing better. I'm always here if you need anything. Shall we go?" Gloria asked

"Sure" I smiled

As we walked down to the front hall. I looked around one last time at this place. Great full that I would never come back to this place. As we approached the front hall I was my parents. My father had a blank expression. My mother on the other hand looked horrible. She looked like she hasn't slept for years. I couldn't help but feel bad. I wonder what had happened. I gave Gloria a hug and said my goodbyes. I turned towards my parents and I was instantly in my mothers embrace.

"Hey ma" I said

"Hey baby, im so happy you're out" my mother tried to say as she choked on her sobs

" Me too ma" I said , I looked at over to my dad

"Dad?" I hesitantly asked

He just turned to me and glared. He looked at my mother and spoke

"Renee, hurry up I don't want to waste all day here. I want to get the hell out of here and home" My father demanded as he stomped out to the parking lot.

" He's happy your out, he's just well you know dad" my mom said

I nodded. We both walked out to the parking lot and saw my father was already in the car and it was on already. We got in and we were off to go home.

As we reached our house, I saw a for sale sign that was covered by a sold sticker. This was it. We were moving because of my embarrassment. I didn't need to ask if i was the reason we're leaving. I already knew. As we parked and got off and went to the house. I went straight to my room to find it empty with just a mattress of the floor. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. I shook my head and I forbid myself from crying, My dad would beat me if he saw me crying. I sighed and I went downstairs. My mother was sitting down in the kitchen and I asked her with my eyes " _Where is he? Is he doing?" _she just looked down and then looked up with a small sad smile and nodded. I sighed and just went up stairs. Preparing myself for later.

It didn't take long for me to drift off into sleep. I was dreaming of something nice when I was shaken awake by a firm grip on my arm dragging me off the mattress. I looked up groggily and was met by my fathers blazing angry eyes glaring down at me. I whimpered as he gripped my arm harder. He stopped and turned and picked me up to eye level and said

" You're a terrible person and you've put me through hell and im going to make you pay" he angrily told me

His hand came in contact with my cheek. I screamed. He just hit me harder and harder. He grabbed me by the hair and dragged me down the stairs. He slammed me on the floor. He then turned me on the side and kicked me in the stomach. His fist connected with my face. I opened my eyes I saw blood on his hands and his shirt. My blood .. and then as he got closer to me .. my vision started to blur as it faded to black. All I heard

"You're nothing" my father whispered in my ear as he gave one last punch

I woke up in the living room. It was still dark out. I slowly stood up. I stumbled up the stairs and held onto the railing if I didn't hold onto it I would've have fallen down again. As I reached the top I heard muffled cries and I knew it was my mother after realizing what happened. My mother never got into my fathers beatings. My father would beat her senseless before I was born. My father started beating me when I was six. My mom tried to stop him but he beat her bad, one day I told her not to get involved I didn't want her to get hurt. I couldn't let her get hurt, I loved her too much. It hurt me to see her cry. I would protect her no matter what.

I went to my room and I fell on my bed and slept. Waiting to see what would come next.

_A month went by . . ._

_I'm now 115 pounds . . . seriously .. I stopped taking my medication ...i don't need it. My parents don't know._

I sighed, and look at my surroundings. It was nothing but forest. We just moved. We have been driving for an hour from the airport. We had all our belongings shipped here a week before. The beatings with my father has happened every night since the day I got out. My body is black and blue. Not my face though , he knows better not to hit me in the face now since we just moved. That would raise questions. He's not stupid. Though I wish he was so finally someone could notice. As we approached the town I read the sign "_Welcome To Forks, Washington__" _I was in deep thought when my father suddenly spoke

"Listen Bella don't you dare start a scene when we get to the town. I am not moving again because you want to be an attention seeker you got that?!" he said

"Yes sir" I said

Nothing was said after that. As we arrived in town and went straight to our house I noticed people staring at the unknown vehicle they have never seen. The people looked nice I guess. I wouldn't know. As we came down a street. I didn't get the name of it Hayes road? I don't know. When we drove up to a dark stone colored house. The roof was slanted quite a bit. The windows were oriel style. The house gave me the creeps. When we walked in the house it was a very comfortable place. The floors were a bit squeaky but I could use that to an advantage. Other than that everything was in order here, I went to my room and unpacked and got my room situated. My mother called me down for dinner I ate it but I went right upstairs to purge it all out. After this I just went to my room and put some music on.

My mom came in a few moments later to talk to me about my school and everything that will be happening. I start school next week. I will go and see my new therapist in a couple of days. My mother is taking me shopping after I see my therapist. We talked for awhile then she went to her room.

I took a shower and I looked in the mirror and I was ashamed to see the fat on my body. It looked disgusting. I looked disgusting. The bruises weren't helping any much either. I sighed. I looked to my right and I saw my personal box. I walked over to it and opened it up. In the box were a collection of knives, razors, and pins. I bit my lip and I sighed. I turned around went to my door and locked it. I went back to the box and I took out the silver razor. It was so beautiful and so clean, I smiled to myself. I touched my upper right leg. I slowly brought the blade to my skin and pushed it in. I dragged it through my skin. Crimson warm liquid oozed out. I had goosebumps. I did this four more times. I grabbed a rag and I tied it around my leg. To stop the bleeding. I put the razor back into the box. I looked around then saw a floor board that was sticking out of its place. I walked over and saw that I could lift it up and put it back in like it was never touched. I put my personal box under the floor board and tucked it back in. I turned around and I quickly got dressed. I unlocked my door and went to lay down waiting for my father to stumble in .

It's been three days since I've moved into this town. I hate it already. I'm currently in Seattle, it's about an hour away from Forks. Seattle is basically the only sign of life that's near Forks. I'm in the 309 building. On the tenth floor where it is used only for people who are just like me and have issues. I look around the room and noticed a few people were here. I looked down at my black combat boots. I was uncomfortable.

"Isabella Swan?" a woman's voice asked

I looked up and I didn't say anything. I saw that everyone was now staring at me. I looked back down I was walking until I bumped into something rather hard which made me fall back on to my butt. I looked up to see a muscular person. He looked as if he was in his twenties. He had a crew cut(hair was brown with tints of red in it). He had the bluest eyes. He had on a pained expression. I was just looking at him in awe. He suddenly brought his arm up and I tensed up. I closed my eyes for the possible blow he was going to give me. When it never came I slowly opened my eyes and saw him looking at me worriedly. I looked around and everyone was out of their seats looking at me. I felt my face heat up. I slowly stood up.

"Whoa! I am very sorry that I knocked you down." the guy quickly said

"Its, its okay" I said

"I'm Emmett, Emmett Cullen and you are?" Emmett said

"Bella, Bella Swan" I said looking down at my feet

"Isabella? Its time for you to go in" the receptionist said

"Oh okay, it was nice meeting you Emmett." I said as I quickly walked away not looking back.

As I walked down the hallway , I was led to a door and I was let in. I saw a rather attractive man. He looked as if he was in his thirties. He was tall with dirty blonde hair slicked to the side.

"Hello, I am Carlisle Cullen. I'm your new therapist" he said as he offered me his hand

"Hello , I'm Isabella Swan. You can call me Bella" I said as I shook his hand

"Please sit down" Carlisle said

"Okay" I said

_I sat down , I looked around and I started to take in the room i was in. It was a very big room. The walls were a beige color. There were no windows. He had a whole bookshelf of books. There were a few paintings here and there. I looked at his mahogany desk. Really made the room look "together". _

_"__Bella?" Charlie asked_

_"__Yes?" I replied_

_"__How have you been, honestly?" Carlisle asked_

_"__Good, I've uh gained some weight, uh ten pounds.." I hesitantly replied_

_"__Why don't we get to know each other?" Carlisle asked_

_"__Sure" I replied_

_From then on we found out a lot about each other, The basics really. I found out he is only forty-two , whoa ! I know. He looks so young. He is married to a wonderful woman named Esmé . He has two sons named Emmett and Edward. One daughter name Alice. They are all in high school and I guess will go to the same one I go to. He's a really cool dude. By the end of the session I was feeling at ease. _

_As I said goodbye to Charlie , my phone started to ring I looked at the screen and it flashed my moms name. I sighed and picked up_

_"__Hey mom" I said_

_"__Hey, I'm out in the front" my mom replied_

_"__Oh okay" I said and hung up_

_I walked out of the building and got in the car. We went to the mall and shopped for about three hours. I bought long sleeves, band t-shirts, skinny jeans and three pairs of shoes ( all black converse, black , and simple black vintage laced up ankle boots) and jewelry . By the end of the day we went home and it was a regular night. Regular father and daughter session and then my "me" time session. I slept dreamless that night._

Its Monday morning and I am extremely nervous! My mom came and woke me up , today is the big day I start at Olsen High School, Great! Whatever. I get up and brush my teeth and wash my face. I go to my room and I stand in front of my mirror. I'm fat , it's so nasty . I left my hair natural. I applied my makeup which basically is a dramatic smokey eye with a light berry pink lipstick and a little bit of blush. I turn and go to my closet and I pull out a gray off the shoulder long sleeve, which I put a Black Sleeveless Undershirt Top (wife beater as what people call it). I slipped on my tight black skinny jeans and put on my simple black . I turned around and put on my pentagram vines necklace and just a simple ring band on my thumbs and wedding fingers. I look at the mirror and I am ready to go.

"Bella!, its time to go! NOW!" my mom calls from downstairs

I roll my eyes and grab my black back pack and run downstairs. I go to the car not bothering eating. I don't feel like it. My mom doesn't even push me , she knows better. On the way to the school it is silent. I'm looking outside the window. As we drive up the street we stop in the parking lot , my mother turns around and wishes me a good day. I nod and get out without a word. As im walking towards the entrance, while im looking down at my feet. I feel everyone's stare's on me. I look up and my mouth drops slightly. I'm met with the greenest pair of eyes full of anger. I look at the boys face and im instantly jealous. He is without blemish's or stress related wrinkles. He has high cheekbones. His lips are full and a pale pink tone. His eyes are the greenest eyes I have ever seen, His hair , oh god his hair. Very untamed and short shaggy brown colored hair with tints of red. I look down to what he is wearing and he has a black sweater with a white tee-shirt under it which fits him perfectly. He of course must work out , it shows. He has a pair of dark slim legged blue jeans. He has a pair of black and white vans on. I look back up at his face and his face has a look of disgust and a glare plastered on his face. I start to bite my lip and I just look down and walk away before I am confronted. I make my way to the office and I am met with a young woman by the look of it she looks in her mid 30's.

"Hello honey, and you are?" the woman asks

"Yes, im new here. My name is uh Bella Swan" I say quietly

"Oh, Bella I heard you were starting today, how are you?" the woman asks.

I look into her eyes and see that she isn't asking about my day. Shes asking about how I am feeling. She must've read my file.

"I'm fine, may I have my schedule" I asked politely

"Oh! Of course. Here you are. Have your teachers sign it and return it back to me." she replies

"Thank you Ms.." im suddenly cut off

"Adams, Ms. Cope" she replies sweetly.

"Okay, thank you Ms. Cope."

I turn around and leave. As I look down the hallways I realize the bell has already rung and I am late. Great I think to myself. I roll my eyes and look at my schedule and it turns out I have Math. Whipdifuckingdoo. Here we go.


End file.
